Halloween

Halloween is fast approaching . Usually I love Halloween but this year I am not so much. I am trying to make an effort for W's sake but really it is pretty half arsed. Normally I would go all out, crafts, decorations, themed snacks etc. We did do a small pumpkin -nothing fancy but W thinks it is pretty cool which is all that really matters.

Thankfully it is not such a big deal here but the English speaking kids organisations we belong to here are having Halloween parties this week. We will be going to one of them on Sunday. I am throwing together a 'costume' for W which basically involves her wearing a tutu she already owns to make her into a fairy/princess type character. I might buy some wings if I see any. I on the other hand already have my costume. I wear it everyday. I will be going as 'happy mum'.

The party we are going to is run by the group W attends a drop off playgroup for 2.5 hours twice a week, we only joined this group 1 month before Cordelia was born. I don't know anyone at this organisation really because it is just a drop off play group. Only the ladies who run it know what happened because W didn't attend for about 2 months, we kept her close to us after Cordelia died plus they shut up shop for summer. They were so kind and kept her spot open indefinitely and refunded our money for the time she wasn't there. I am sure some of the mothers noticed I was pregnant and then noticed I wasn't but no one has said anything to me and honestly I am OK with that. I feel somewhat safe there because of this, as a result I have volunteered to help to them set up for their annual Halloween party. Anyone who knows me knows that this is me in my element, well the old me, I think the new me will still enjoy this type of thing but for now it is baby steps. Therefore, I will go in and do what I am asked to do-no creative input on my side- just do. Mr M will bring W when the party starts, we will have fun and then leave.

Anonymously.

I hope.

Update: The kids party was OK, I felt a little anxious through most of it but we stayed. W was having a great time. After the party I was exhausted, we came home and I slept-hard, so did W! I just felt drained after being around so many people, putting on a happy face is tiring. On actual Halloween night we met up with some new friends in my neighbourhood and trick or treated at the few houses that were handing out sweeties. It was nice. We ended up going back to their house and had a few glasses of wine. The first time we have done anything like it. It was fun-yes you read right. Fun. I am glad it was spur of the moment. I had no time to obsess over whether I should go or not, if I would feel uncomfortable or not. We just went in and had a nice time, the kids all played well together. A nice moment for us. A glimmer of the future.