someone is missing

Cordelia. That is who is missing. I feel that empty hole everyday of where she should be, there is a Cordelia shaped hole in my heart that will never go away, I carry her there instead of in my arms, which feel so empty now. It has been almost 6 months since Cordelia passed away-how that much time has elapsed is beyond me. I didn't think I would live another day when we knew she was going to die but here we are, 6 whole long months down this long, dark confusing road of grief. I think of her all day everyday still, hardly a minute goes by where I am not trying to figure some thing out in my head relating to her and her short little life. I miss her. When we play games with W and say things like look 'we are all in the house' or 'look everyone is on the couch cuddling-including the cat' a little piece of me winces,because it is not true, we are not all here-Cordelia is missing. It breaks my heart to say these words of we are all here because it makes me feel guilty and sad, like we are having fun without her or moving on or forgetting her. She should be here squeezed into one of W's 'houses', laughing with her big sister or cuddling on the couch with us but she is not and there is nothing I can do about that-no matter how hard I try. Cordelia will always be missing from our lives. I guess this is where the whole 'time' thing comes in, we will get used to this feeling and it will become our new normal. Well, I have to say this new normal sucks, can I have the old normal back please?