Just for today

I received this poem in an email from my mother in law this morning.

Today is Cordelia's Birthday.

This poem spoke so loudly to me on this most bitter sweet of days. It was like it was written about me and my grief, my guilt, my sadness, my loneliness, my love, my anger, forgiveness, betrayal.

Just For Today For Bereaved Parents

 

by Vicki Tushingham

 

Just for today I will try to live through the next 24 hours

and not expect to get over my child's death,

but instead learn to live with it, just one day at a time.

Just for today I will remember my child's life, not just her death,

and bask in the comfort of all those treasured days

and moments we shared.

Just for today I will forgive all the family and friends

who didn't help or comfort me the way I needed them to.

They truly did not know how.

Just for today I will smile no matter how much I hurt on the inside,

for maybe if I smile a little,

my heart will soften and I will begin to heal.

Just for today I will reach out to comfort a relative or friend of my child,

for they are hurting too,

and perhaps we can help each other.

Just for today I will free myself from my self-inflicted burden of guilt,

for deep in my heart I know if there was anything in this world

I could of done to save my child from death,

I would of done it.

Just for today I will honor my child's memory

by doing something with another child

because I know that would make my own child proud.

Just for today I will offer my hand in friendship

to another bereaved parent

for I do know how they feel.

Just for today when my heart feels like breaking,

I will stop and remember that grief is the price we pay for loving

and the only reason I hurt is because

I had the privilege of loving so much

Just for today I will not compare myself with others.

I am fortunate to be who I am

and have had my child for as long as I did.

Just for today I will allow myself to be happy,

for I know that I am not deserting her by living on.

Just for today I will accept that I did not die when my child did,

my life did go on,

and I am the only one who can make that life worthwhile once more.