Where do I start?
I just stopped writing here one day, I am not sure why. Well that is not completely true. I needed a break.
A break from death and grief and sadness.
I was beginning to think about new life and needed to step away from the shadow of grief, although we know it never leaves us.
I was at the point where I felt I needed a baby, a baby that would hopefully come home with us and help heal our hearts. A baby to return some happiness to our lives, bring hope and a new beginning for us.
I felt I needed another baby to save me from my grief. I know I am so lucky to have Missus but I needed to hold another baby in my arms. Someone to help pluck me from the bottom of the barrel that I kept slipping back down into. My heart was aching for a baby.
New life. New focus. New chances.
Hope.
But never replacing or forgetting my sweet Cordelia.
That would be impossible.
Impossible.
I needed to read about happy endings, stories where babies come home. So
thats what I did. I tried to go back to the world where babies are
healthy and live. Tried.
So that explains my absence but what explains my return, my need to come here and pour my thoughts out again?
We lost another baby.
Another one of my children is dead.
How is that possible?
I have more dead children than living ones and that is how it will stay.
Forever.
How did I end up here?
I will share my story but I am finding it hard to write it down. It is complicated in so many ways and I just feel lost.
Please bear with me.
E
x
